Organizing for Sleep

Spring Courtright
Oct 1, 2021
12 min read

13 ways to stay sane and overcome sleep challenges

Nearly every woman I talk over age 35 has sleep frustrations.

I've had sleep challenges since I was about 35 - I often wake up 1-2 times a night.

This used to make me freak out in all kinds of ways - some nights I'd have intense anxiety, some nights I'd be angry, some nights I cried with frustration. No longer!

I tried just about everything to sleep through the night - here's what I found helps me.

If you struggle with sleep, I hope you'll make figuring out how to sleep well a top priority - and get help if it's a struggle for you.

My Mum and Grandma had Alzheimers and I want to live to a ripe old age with my mind and body in tact!

Sleep helps our brains be healthy, so I put sleep ahead of most things in my life. I hope you will, too, for your sake and the sake of everyone who comes into contact with you throughout your life!

In my mid thirties, I felt like I was literally losing my mind because due to insomnia, and I felt like my body was falling apart. I tried everything:

Sleep lab - they said I was fine (I wanted to punch the doctors)
Sleepy time teas - woke me up to pee in the middle of the night
Hot baths - helps but don't stop the 2 am wakeup
Exercise - helps but don't stop the 2 am wakeup
Reducing coffee - still awoke at 2 am, and I was tired all day
Meditation - I do it daily and it helps, but it doesn't keep me asleep (except on 10 day silent meditation programs, which is cumbersome for every day life!)

Part of this I believe is hormonal, part is my reaction to caffeine, part is genetic, but these aren't reasons to stop working toward not letting my brain rot inside my skull!

Hard is not a reason not to do something.

Make sure to check out the link to my favorite sleepy-time meditation at the end.

How I get more and better sleep:

Stop freaking out
Create a sleep sanctuary
Do a brain dump
Keep lights low / use candles
Program screens to dim
No liquids 1-2 hours before bed time
Read or listen to a book (on a device without internet)
Kick out pets & phones
Wear earplugs
Drink less caffeine earlier
Exercise
Forgive
Take medication if needed

BONUS if you have a partner who snores or moves a lot:

Have comfortable second sleep location.

1 Stop freaking out

Did you know it's an option to not dive into anxiety? This came as a surprise to me.

I love the saying the antidote to anxiety is action...

I DO NOT sit and stew in worry in the middle of the night anymore.

I used to lay in bed with anxiety building as minutes turned to hours, thinking I need to sleep! I have so much to do tomorrow! How am I going to get by without enough sleep?!

The more I worried and tried not to bother my partner with tossing and turning, the more I felt the urge to toss and turn and the more my anxiety and frustration grew.

Worrying about not sleeping doesn't make us sleep. You have the option to stop the worry train in it's tracks.

As soon as I feel anxious or hear anxious thoughts, I take quick action. I get important thoughts out of my head (see #2), do something to distract my mind (see #7), and, if my partner is in bed with me, I go to my other bed.

Again, I DO NOT sit and stew. It's no longer an option for me.

2 Create a sleep sanctuary

Declutter and organize for sleep. A cluttered bedroom can add to anxiety and stress. Take time to set up the bedroom as a sleep sanctuary by doing these things:

CLEAR OUT anything that doesn't HAVE to be in your bedroom. Get help if needed!
SURROUND WITH SLEEP: put items around that remind your brain, I AM going to get a great night of sleep.
PICK UP: take time to pick up clutter around your room before getting in bed.
CREATE COZY: help the child inside feel safe, loved, comfortable and supported - I use body pillows, soft sheets...and keep my stuffed lion, Lumpy, nearby
Lumpy, my sleep buddy
SET UP an 'in-between basket' next to a hamper instead of tossing clothes you might wear again all around
READ my Top 10 Tips for Decluttering Success for help with this process and to learn what an in-between basket is.

Many of us have clothes in our bedrooms, and for some it's also the place for sex, but you can still prioritize sleep and have only supportive things in your bedroom!

3 Do a brain dump

Write down ideas and important things that need to be done the next day.

Ideas and thoughts about things we need to do can be like torture devices that keep us from sleep (by arousing our nervous system).

Get them out of your head by writing them down in a place you'll see them (to let your nervous system know you won't forget)

WHAT I DO:

I created two spots in my bedroom with a pen and colorful notecards to catch my thoughts - one on my dresser near where I get undressed, one next to my pillow.

My brain dump notecards in my bedroom -

I used to use white cards, but I use colorful ones now

Write down what I want to remember for the next day
Immediately put the notecard where I'll see it the next day (on my decluttered floor - see #2 above)
If my brain starts spinning after I go to bed, I immediately write down the thought and throw the notecard to the floor at the end of my bed.

This catches the to-do and tells my brain and nervous system: We're not spinning on this tonight! We'll come back to it in the morning. Right now it's time to sleep.

I often write these in the dark so they need deciphering the next morning, but it's worth it - and it's like an easter egg hunt in the morning!

5 Keep lights low / use candles

The Sleep Foundation says, "Light is the most important external factor affecting sleep."

They also say, "Light plays a central role in regulating circadian rhythm, the body’s internal clock that signals when to be alert and when to rest. Light also affects the production of melatonin, an essential sleep-promoting hormone."

At night, on my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth, I turn down my bedroom lights and lower my blackout curtains.

In the bathroom, I light candles without turning the light on. I keep a lighter in a specific place so I can find it - my husband learned the hard way how important this is when I went around yelling, "Where's my **** lighter!" and I explained to him how important sleep is to me.

After I light my candles, I avoid bright lights like I'm a vampire. I LOVE my nighttime candlelight!

6 Dim screens

Most newer technology with screens have built-in options to schedule lights to dim at a certain time.

I have this scheduled on my phone and the Amazon Fire I use to listen to books at night.

For my laptop I use a program called F.lux. The screens change color, but my sleep and sanity are worth it!

For nights I watch a show on TV, I end early enough to have my bedtime routine.

7 No liquid within 1+ hours of bed time

When I went to the sleep lab, I slept better than I had in years. When they awoke me at 5 am I was so angry I yelled with tears in my eyes. I felt robbed.

They didn't find anything wrong with me, so the sleep doctor gave me a book and that was that. (I'm still mad about this).

What was different that night from what I was doing at home?

I didn't drink tea or read, so I didn't get up to pee
I was in a new place, in a very comfortable bed, in a very dark room, so I didn't associate this room and bed with bad sleep.

At home, I drank tea and read by a light every night - I couldn't do that here.

At home I let light leak in. Here there was only a little red one near the ceiling (which somehow I wasn't anxious about being a camera with someone watching me from another room!)

When we don't sleep well over and over in the same place, we tend to get upset about it and go to bed assuming we won't sleep well in that space.

WHAT I CHANGED:

I don't drink liquid within 1.5-2 hours before bed (except a sip to swallow sleep meds and progesterone)
I refreshed my room so it felt like a new place (new soft rug, new soft body pillow, blackout curtains...)

Now I fall asleep faster and stay asleep longer!

I do still have my story at bed time (and often throughout the night)...

8 Read or listen to books without internet

I have a VERY strict rule for myself: absolutely no social media or internet searching in my bedroom.

For Christmas one year my husband gave me an Amazon Fire loaded with books by my favorite author (Gerald Durrell, a British animal collector). It was such a thoughtful gift, and we now marvel at how life-altering it's been...

WHAT I DO:

Keep the internet turned off on this device, with no apps downloaded
Have the night setting on so it's not blue light (which affects sleep hormones)
Put an earbud in one ear, an earplug in the other
Start my book (Gerald Durrell, James Herriot, Call the Midwife, etc.)
Turn off the lights
If I awaken, I put the earbud back in. If I'm REALLY awake, I'll go back to the last part of the story I remember before falling asleep.

I'm usually asleep in less than five minutes! It's now a Pavlovian response - when my brain hears the reading voice, I fall asleep.

WHAT I LIKE:

I'm partial to an English accent and ZERO drama - the Lord of the Rings trilogy didn't work for me because of all the wars. For some reason I don't mind waking up to James Herriot helping birth a baby cow :)

I've listened to all the books I've downloaded multiple times:

The Secret Garden
James Herriot (All Creatures Great and Small + many others)
Gerald Durrell (My Family and Other Animals + may others)
Jennifer Worth (Call the Midwife + many others)
Lawrence + Françoise Anthony (Elephant Whisperer + others)
Mary J. MacLeod (Call the Nurse + others)
David Attenborough (Journeys to the Other Side of the World)

The important things are:

mind is distracted by something mindless
eyes are closed
lights are off / it's very dark
no internet
I'm ready for sleep

Some people set a timer, but I like to have it playing when I inevitably wake up.

No apps are loaded on my Fire, it's purely for books and the meditation below.

8 - Kick out cats, dogs and phones

When I first started having sleep trouble, my beloved dog Cricket slept under the covers at my feet (don't ask me how she breathed!).

When she started snoring and kicking in her sleep, I gave her a bed next to my bed.

When her snoring started waking me up with my heart revved up, I taught her to sleep in the living room.

It kind of broke both of our hearts, but I didn't have all these other tools then, and it was either her or my health.

When I moved in with my husband, he had cats that slept with him. It's wonderful when he's home because they cuddle with him, but if I'm alone they want to sleep with me, which is no better than sleeping with Cricket!

So, armed with earplugs and a few things to throw at the door, I locked them out. It took

about three nights of diligent throwing, but now they know not to even try.

Research (and my own experience) shows phones are an enemy of sleep - it's too tempting to scroll long past our bedtime, they make noise, and the blue light of the screen blocks important sleep chemicals.

One of the first steps in my nighttime routine is to plug in my phone downstairs. It's like putting my friend to bed! No temptation, no midnight dings.

I understand if you have children or other potential emergency calls, this is more challenging...

But I urge you to carefully weigh the long-term effects of keeping your phone near your head and do what you can to allow yourself to sleep.

9 Wear earplugs

This was a game changer for me. Some people say they don't fit right or they're uncomfortable, but for me, not sleeping is much more uncomfortable.

It's been well worth the first few nights when I felt like Frankenstein with uncomfortable knobs sticking out of my head.

Putting in an earplug is now part of my nighttime routine (the other ear has an earbud for my audio book). I love hearing all sound but my breathing disappear...

10 Drink less coffee

I. Love. Coffee. The flavor, the warmth, the ritual, the smell...

But I also love to sleep and want to avoid dementia. What a conundrum!

It used to be that the worse I slept, the more coffee I drank the next day. Now it's the opposite.

If I have a rough night of sleep, I think back on the day before - how much coffee did I drink and when did I drink it? I often find I drank coffee later than my normal 10 am cutoff time and/or more than 1-2 cups of my half-decaf blend.

Every January I do a cleanse and cut out coffee for 2-3 weeks (among other things). This gives my body a break from the stimulant and resets my caffeine tolerance.

When I'm used to drinking multiple cups of coffee every day, it takes multiple cups of coffee to feel "awake."

When I cut it out, I can actually feel the caffeine kick in when I reintroduce it. It's a weird feeling! My heart rate and anxiety go up, I hear myself talking faster, I see myself moving faster and multitasking more...

Watching caffeine kick in is like watching someone on drugs.

After my cleanse, the amount of coffee I drink starts very low and slowly ratchets up.

I have varying degrees of self-control, but I now make a conscious effort not to drink coffee after 10:30 unless I plan to stay up late.

11 Exercise

"Get busy living, or get busy dying," says Red in Shawshank Redemption.

Yes, everyone says exercise is good for everything in life - and some days we just don't want to!

But we weren't built to sit in one place and not move for hours on end.

Toxins pool up, our muscles, tendons and ligaments stop working smoothly, and we begin to break down from the inside.

Maybe that sounds harsh, but that's how I see it. We were born to move.

I make a point to get up and move every single day - even in the rain.

I take walks, do jumping jacks, do a minute plank in the morning before getting dressed...

Just. Do. Something.

(regarding exercise)

Anything is better than nothing!

When I get regular exercise, I feel more energetic and positive, I ache less, I can concentrate and think more clearly, I'm more able to focus...

And most importantly, I sleep better.

12 Forgive your bed and bedroom

When we expect to get crappy sleep, we'll likely get crappy sleep.

I used to know in my bones I was going to have yet another frustrating night, then I did. Now I know that expectation set me up for terrible sleep.

But now I have great sleep almost every night!

I believe it's in part because I forgave my bed, my bedroom, my body, and my brain. I stopped blaming my bed and bedroom and started taking responsibility when I got a bad night of sleep.

A bad night of sleep is an invitation to look back on the day(s) before to see what may have caused it, and to look ahead at what we can change.

13 Take medication if needed

Almost every night for 3ish years I've taken 25-50 mg of Hydroxyzine to help me sleep - it's an antihistamine and anti-anxiety medication that doesn't make me groggy.

I used to be deeply opposed to medication, but at about age 45, after 10 years of awful sleep, I took the advice of the wonderful gynecologist I gave my list of ailments to.

She said something like:

"Get regular sleep, then we'll check in about all the other health issues. Good sleep heals so many other things in our lives."

Recent studies have shown that Hydroxyzine and other medications with properties that block acetylcholine can cause what they're calling "an anticholinergic burden" that's associated with an increased risk of cognitive decline.

With dementia in my family, I'm now looking for alternatives, but I've been SO GLAD to be able to sleep all this time.

I'll be talking to my doctor next week, and I'm ordering these supplements a coach I work with uses: